When I reflect on the past year I can’t help but focus on all the negative. I did this wrong. I should have done that. All kinds of regret that balls up into one cloud of guilt that hangs over me and I suddenly can’t help but think… I need your help, Dad. While countless others around me still have the luxury of speaking to their fathers with a simple call or text, mine has passed away. I no longer have that opportunity.
The thought crosses my mind, “would things be better if only I could hear his voice and adhere to the advice he was always willing to give”
The past year has been loaded with new successes but I feel like none of it means a thing since my father is no longer here. The desire to impress our parents with our achievements is engrained in our being, and the one person I needed to make proud is gone. It’s hard. It’s difficult to find motivation.
My failures only make it that much harder. Every single time I talk to someone I shouldn’t, or spend money I don’t have, or even forget to wash my car, I think to myself - you’re letting down your dad.
And then I hear his voice. That booming, pulsating roar that sounds like God himself is talking to you, “Get up! You’re not finished yet, son.”
I’m not finished. Not yet, Dad. I love you